What Are You Saying?

 If you're reading this, you're obviously online in one way or another. Being online, I'm sure you're familiar with social media such as Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook. I use social media for a variety of reasons. I'll list them cuz bullets are fun. Get ready for some bulletizing!!!

• News. I hardly ever watch the news on TV and I haven't read an actual newspaper in years. I use Twitter and Facebook, specifically, to keep up with the news. Sometimes, breaking news hits Twitter before reporters can get it out there themselves. 
• Keeping up with friends and family. It's been about four years or so (I can't really remember) since I have been to Ohio to visit. And that last time was to be there for my dad's open heart surgery, hardly a social event. My nearest relative lives about eight hours away. My nearest friend lives about 12 or 13 hours away. I don't get the opportunity to see people face to face. I use Facebook to send out birthday wishes, peruse pictures of people's babies that I've never gotten the chance to see in person, and keep up with what everyone is doing. It honestly makes me feel connected.
• Express my opinion. Social media is a great way of saying what you want, when you want, and about whatever you want. For instance, sometimes I get really fed up with what people are saying on Facebook. So, I'll make a blanket statement about the moronic and inappropriate (IMO), things people post on Facebook. I don't direct it at anyone specifically so that nobody really has the right to take it personally, but I feel better having pointed a finger without really having pointed a finger.
• Research. I use social media to find reviews for restaurants and businesses. I also use it for decorating, crafting, cooking, and DIY ideas, just to name a few. Pinterest and Yelp are lovely resources. 
• Work. I've used social media many, many times for professional reasons. I found my first client on Twitter which led to business ownership. I continued to use it to find new clients. I also used to it for marketing purposes for my own business as well as in my independent contractor status for other businesses. 
• Entertainment. Social media is great for keeping up with your favorite TV shows, movies, and celebrities. I especially enjoy using social media for news about my favorite authors and books. 

I'm sure there are other ways that I, and you, use social media. It really has endless possibilities. All that being said, this isn't even the main point of this blog post. My main topic is, do you ever stop to think about what you are saying when you're online? And I don't just mean literally. I'll explain.

When you send a friend request to someone on Facebook and it doesn't get accepted, what do you think? Maybe the person just doesn't immediately notice friend requests. They weren't ignoring you or refusing you, they just didn't see it. I've been guilty of this. I'll be puttering around on Facebook and notice a friend request sitting there and think, "Huh. How long has that been there?" I don't always get e-mail notifications. Still, by not acknowledging a friend request, it can be a gentle way of saying, "I hate you and don't want to be your friend in any capacity. Go away."

Delving further into this subject...

What about when you're friends with Jane who is married to John but you're not friends with John and a friend request hasn't come from either side. What does that say? That you don't like John? That you're not comfortable being online friends with someone else's husband?

And what if your spouse is friends with both John and Jane and as a couple, you know them in real life but you're only friends with Jane? Or maybe you're not online friends with either one of them. Is that sending an unspoken message as well? Does Jane just not like you?  Not being friends with either, that couple must like your spouse but not you?

Would it just be more polite to accept every friend request you get but then select the option that makes their status updates not appear on your FB page. I've done that. Sometimes, I'm just not interested in what certain teenagers have to say or seeing the 1001 "selfies" that they post on a daily basis. Sorry. (Actually I'm not sorry.)

That takes us to what you're saying when you're actually typing something and hitting "send". Social media certainly gives people the needed distance, and thus protection and even anonymity in some cases, they need to speak their minds without regard to how their opinions might offend. Again, freedom of speech does not equal freedom from repercussions. To be totally cliche, words hurt just as much as fists, sometimes, more so. 

A common place for people to stand their ground is that "It's my Facebook (Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest, etc.) page and I'll do with it what I want and if you don't like it, you can unfriend me." Thanks for your permission to block your annoying, foul-language-filled, sexually inappropriate, I've-gone-to-the-gym, I'm-at-a-bar-for-the-20th-time-this-week, I'm-a-religious-hypocrite updates. I'll get right on that. Feel free to block me/unfriend me right back. I won't take it personally. I promise.

In the end...

• I didn't realize being considerate of others meant infringing on your freedom of speech.
• I only accept FB friend requests from people that I know so if I didn't accept yours, you can assume:
• I don't know you IRL. I'm getting old, so maybe I don't remember you.
• I don't like you

• Trust me when I say that the vast majority of your followers could give two turds about how often you go to the gym. Although, I do like following a weight loss journey...
• I assume you're irresponsible and most likely an alcoholic when you post 7 days a week about your bar/drinking excursions. 
• Make sure your freaking pins actually lead somewhere and not just to an image. Grr!
• Know your audience. If you're friends with my daughters, I will unfriend you for them if I decide that your language, pictures, memes, etc. are inappropriate. The oldest may be 17, but the youngest is 14 and developmentally, she's 11. I don't care if you're family or not. And if you are family, theoretically, you should care more. This is why I feel that the label of "family" means squat but that's for another post.
• Posting about your sex life online is:
• In bad taste. Geez. Yeah it is. Stop arguing with me.
• Not appropriate for younger audiences. It just isn't, no matter what you think.
• You're in a relationship and getting some? Well, that's just odd. ::sarcasm much?::

• I love pet pictures. 
• I love cat memes.
• I love baby pictures. 
• When you publicly rant about being allowed to say what you want, when you want, you're also publicly acknowledging that you know you're being offensive in some way. Think about that.
• When you post your drama online, you're inviting people into your private life and inviting them to express an opinion about your dumb decisions/actions. Yup.
• Be political. Just don't be political all the time.
• Lastly, KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE!

Freedoms, Poop, and Parenting

All we hear about these days is, "It's my right" to whatever; say what I want, go where I want, do what I want. Yeah. You'd be correct. Speaking from the point of view of an American, as a citizen of the United States, I do have certain freedoms. Speech, bearing arms, religion and all that. But those freedoms come with the responsibility of living with the consequences of my decisions and actions. Sure. I can say that I agree or disagree with gay marriage, but then I have to live with the backlash of whichever group disagrees with my opinion. I can decide to breastfeed in public, but then I have to live with the consequences of offending people that think baring my breasts in public should be considered indecent exposure. I can beat the crap out of my kids with a belt and defend my actions by saying, "It may not be the exact right thing to do, but at least my kids aren't shooting up their school." But then I have to live with my kids' hate and fear of me and the judgement of the public that believes that is abuse.

This week, two headlines have been going through my head. The first one is about the couple that changed their baby's diaper in the middle of a Starbucks. It's my opinion that the parents in question were incredibly rude and that it's just disgusting to wave around human excrement in a place where food is being served and consumed by the public. Also, the headlines for this story are so misleading. The Huffington Post, for example says, "Starbucks Diaper Change Prompts Call To Police". It wasn't the diaper change that caused the Starbucks' employees to call the police, it was the actions of the father, Alex Burgos, that prompted the call. According to the article, he became belligerent and purposely dumped coffee on the floor. Really raises my opinion of these people that they behave so childishly right after claiming they were doing nothing wrong in the first place. How would you feel if I changed my kids smelly, dirty, germ-laden diaper on your dining room table during dinner and then right after than, shoved the meat platter onto the floor for kicks? Those parents had other options than changing that diaper in the middle of the Starbucks. I've been the parent of two babies. I speak from experience.

 Secondly, I just saw this article from our local news station this morning:  "Group of Vets Refused Service at Oceanside Grill" According to the article, the Davino's Cabo Grill refused to serve a group of American Legion motorcyclists because of the vests they were wearing. The motorcyclists said that the vests were covered in pins and patches that were all military related. But, the grill has a policy not to allow patrons to "wear colors", no matter what those "colors" may or may not be associated with. I guess that this particular grill has had problems in the past with certain groups so they have a policy in place that doesn't allow people to wear clothing associating them with a group, any group. 

As you know, my husband is a Marine. I also come from a very long line of veterans serving all branches of the military. I've even lived in a place where we didn't advertise being a military family because military service members were oftentimes the targets of violence and discrimination. Even so, a policy is a policy. This group wasn't being singled out. It's like a rep from the grill said, if they allow one group to get away with violating the policy, then they have to let everyone which, in the past, has led to fights and whatnot. It's my opinion that this business, or any business, should be allowed to protect their property and their patrons. The bikers had the option to remove the vests and then be served, but they refused. Free will exercised.

It's easy, at least to me, to see both sides to each of these two stories.

Sure. As a parent, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Been there, understand that. On the other hand, unless that baby had explosive diarrhea (in which case the baby should have been at home resting and not out on the town), I have a hard time believing that the parents had no other choice but to change that diaper in the sitting area of an establishment that serves food. I've been places where there wasn't a changing table in the restroom. I remember using the pad thingy that comes with diaper bags in the backseat of my car in those cases. If the situation was so immediate, why did the parents let the diaper get so full in the first place? Diapers hold a lot.    

As for the Vets, I believe in the absolute respect of our nation's Veterans. But I don't believe that being a Veteran makes you exempt for rules and laws. They were expressing their freedom of speech but the restaurant was also expressing their freedom to refuse service.

All actions, opinions, and words have consequences. Be sure you're willing to deal with those consequences when people call you on your sh--, er, I mean crap. And now that I've used my freedom of speech to express my opinions, I have to be prepared to deal with people that disagree with me. 

One last thing. Being a parent does not mean you get to behave like an inconsiderate, disrespectful, holier than thou, asshole. Being a parent does not put a golden bubble around you that allows you to violate other people's freedoms by being naked in public or exposing perfect strangers to fecal matter. Being a parent does not give you the right to behave like you are above the expected rules and norms of society. It certainly doesn't make you better than anyone else. Again. Just my opinion. 

 Ok. One more last thing. Maybe we, as Americans, should learn the difference between freedoms granted by the Constitution and free will. I'll explain what I mean. As a sentient human being, I have free will. This means that I am in control of myself and free will allows me to walk where I want, say what I want, behave how I want, etc. I could, right this minute, grab a gun and walk into a bank and and use my learned vocabulary to demand that they give me all their money. There is nothing physically stopping me from doing this. That's free will. Free will comes with consequences which means that my hypothetical actions would most likely result in my being jailed. The Constitution grants me the right to say what I want but it doesn't exempt me from negatively using my free will to say what I want when it threatens the safety of others. Those parents had the free will to change their baby's diaper in public. Free will didn't exempt them from being inconsiderate human beings. No man is an island. Unless you decide to cut yourself off from society 100%, you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. Get the difference???