Wednesday, August 08, 2012

First Impressions

So, I almost had my first public nervous breakdown. Let me tell you about it.

The Mister and I had plans to meet up with an old friend for lunch. He was bringing his girlfriend who we had never met. To begin with, planning this get together was...very mixed up. The days and times kept getting changed which set the foundation for me feeling anxious about it. Ingredient #1:  Lack of Control and Uncertainty. When the day finally came, we headed to La Jolla which was Ingredient #2 in my soup of crazy. Traffic was terrible. La Jolla is a huge touristy-type town here in San Diego. La Jolla + last weekend in July + Sunday = traffic backed up for forever an NO parking. By the time we parked and walked down to the beach, my anxiety level was already approaching an unhealthy level.

Then we meet up with them on the street and decide to get lunch. Ingredient #3:  Eating at a new place. The restaurant was fine. It wasn't super fancy or super crowded but it was enough that I had never been there before to make my anxiety start shooting out of me.

We sat down and I was so upset by this point that I was sweaty and shaky, my hands were swollen, and I had a headache. All I wanted to do was close my eyes and do some deep breathing but I was trying my best not to cause attention to myself which was Ingredient #4:  Trying to pretend everything was fine and hoping I wasn't making a complete fool of myself. The Mister knew what was going on and he kept asking me under his breath if I was okay and he kept stroking my arm or leg to try to reassure me which was only making it worse. He kept looking at me like he was afraid I was going to start foaming at the mouth at any second. I wanted nothing more than to excuse myself to the restroom to try and compose myself but I was stuck in the corner and the new girlfriend would have had to get up so that I could get out. So I sat there and did my best to talk myself off the mental ledge.

It's been a long time since I've lost my composure to that extreme. It wasn't fun and I'm pretty sure I made a really bad first impression. The Mister said later that I looked angry at lunch. I wasn't angry at all. I guess my "trying to be normal face" comes off as my angry face. I need to work on that, lol. The new girlfriend probably thinks that either I'm completely crazy or a total bitch. Or both.

I've been guilty of making snap judgements of people that I've just met. This experience has taught me a lesson about giving people more of a chance. Maybe if I don't like someone right off the bat, they're just socially anxious like I am. Crazy people are fun! Give us a chance.

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